The Life Recovery Workbook for Grief - Flipbook - Page 6
L I F E RECOV ERY : GRIEF
Acts is directly related to their reputation of how they loved one
another. So even grieving needs to take place in some sort of
community, whether that community is an official grief support
group or simply a family gathering around each other and staying connected as they grieve.
The key point of Step One is the reality of our powerlessness.
It’s not a term we like. In fact, it’s an experience that we seek
to avoid as much as possible. But when it comes to grieving
over our losses, we are all too often confronted with the reality
of our powerlessness to do anything about what has been lost.
When we have lost someone or something important, especially
a loved one, we are truly powerless.
We can even experience powerlessness when we lose something that seems small. One time, I (Dave) lost a treasured old
fountain pen in a restaurant. But no matter how many times
I went back to the restaurant to look for it, it was gone. I was
powerless to do anything about it. I even offered a reward for
its return. I talked to the waiters and waitresses. But no matter
what I did, I was confronted with the fact that I had no power.
I was powerless.
When someone I love is lying in a hospital bed on the
verge of death, no matter how much I plead with the doctors
or how much I pray, I am confronted with my own powerlessness in the face of loss. In those circumstances even the doctor
will acknowledge their powerlessness to do anything to avoid
the inevitable. So the first step of grieving is to come to terms
with our powerlessness.
Some of our losses are obvious: I lost my fountain pen; I lost
my friend to cancer. But there are other losses that are not so
obvious. For example, I lost my image of myself when I lost my
fountain pen, because I thought I was so careful with that pen.
I lost a sense of connection when my friend died and left me
here without him. When my children grew up and moved out
of our house, I lost the sense of connection we had when we
lived under the same roof. When we moved across the country,
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