the educator mag May 24 (1) - Flipbook - Page 16
Supporting bereaved
pupils and their families
risk issues arise, refer to the school policy on
the appropriate action to take.
Check in regularly with the pupil, to see how
things are for them; talk about their friends,
school work or how their family or carers
are. Be aware of significant anniversary
dates and make sure they are managing
their grief.
When appropriate, mention the person
who died - it can be very strange for a child
when nobody ever talks about their special
person. Activities such as creating a memory
box help provide a connection to the
deceased, whilst they themselves can
continue to move on with their life.
Bob Usher, Content Manager, LGfLThe National Grid for Learning, and
Tracey Boseley, Head of Education Sector
Support, Child Bereavement UK (CBUK)
share their advice on supporting
bereaved pupils and their families.
At some point in our lives, we are likely to
experience the deep sense of loss and grief
that comes with bereavement. Children
grieve just as deeply as adults, so how can
schools help support bereaved pupils and
their families through these difficult times?
Talking about death is difficult. Adults may
shy away from using words like ‘dead’, ‘death’
and ‘dying’, to young children, thinking
alternatives such as ‘passed’, ‘lost’ or ‘gone to
sleep’ are less harsh. However, euphemisms
often cause confusion and frustration,
particularly for younger children who are
very concrete in their thinking; ‘passed’ –
where to? ‘lost’ – can we look for them?
‘gone to sleep’ – will I die when I go to sleep?
Use clear, accurate, age-appropriate
language, ‘dead’ and ‘death’ with a simple
biological explanation is much clearer; ‘the
heart stops beating, the lungs are no longer
breathing and the brain does not work
anymore’. Or ‘when someone is dead, their
body doesn’t work anymore and they no
longer feel hot, cold or any pain, nor do they
need food or drink’.
Children need plenty of opportunities to ask
questions. They may use words they have
heard, such as ‘heart attack’ (who attacked
the heart?) or ‘stroke’ (like stroking a pet?)
but they may not necessarily understand
the meaning. So it’s important to check a
pupil’s understanding of the language used
to describe what has happened, and make
sure they receive age-appropriate
explanations.
Usually, children learn how to grieve by
copying the responses of the adults around
them. Younger children in particular have a
limited ability to put feelings, thoughts and
memories into words and tend to ‘act out’
rather than expressing themselves verbally.
Therefore, their behaviour is often the best
indicator as to how they are feeling.
A bereaved pupil may experience new
rituals surrounding the death - religious
services and funerals – or may not be
included in events, and just hear what
happened through conversation.
Home life may become very different, so
the school routine can provide a sense of
normality. Carrying on with the usual
day-to-day activities, while acknowledging
the bereavement, helps to support a
grieving child.
Maintaining a good relationship with the
bereaved family means the school can also
offer them some support and guidance grieving adults may struggle to support
their child while managing their own grief.
Schools can signpost external bereavement
support and resources. If safeguarding or
If the topics of death or grief are going
to be raised during a lesson, prepare the
child beforehand. It can also be helpful to a
bereaved pupil if their friends are aware of
what has happened, so encourage them to
share their news, even if it is only with their
closest friends.
It can be more manageable to respond
to a death in the school community, if it’s
been thought about beforehand.
A bereavement policy provides guidance
for all staff involved in dealing with
death, grief and bereavement. Having a
‘bereavement-aware’ culture also ensures
members of the school community feel
supported.
Each school is different and every situation
unique, so the policy needs to be a
fexible working document. It could include:
designated roles and responsibilities for
communication with the family, staff,
pupils or press (if required); draft documents
and letter templates; and resources to
support bereaved pupils, other pupils,
vulnerable staff, families or carers.
Remember to be mindful of social media
and the indiscriminate spread of news.
Grief has no time limit, it just changes
over time. Everyone grieves in their own
unique way, but it’s hard work and can be
exhausting. Although it will always be there,
a bereaved pupil can grow a new life around
their grief, and are much better placed to
manage this when supported in school as
well as home.
For a comprehensive, free-to-access
training tool for schools, created in
collaboration with CBUK please visit:
https://childbereavement.lgfl.org.uk/
