heart of glastonbury JuneJuly 24 - Flipbook - Page 60
DO WE NEED ROMANCE
TO BE FULFILLED?
By Hilary Bowring
A societal myth..... or does it go
deeper?
The societal model of marriage
goes back to the story of Noah’s
ark where the animals went in two
by two. This image has been
deeply
imprinted
on
our
psychology and subconscious
expectations and desires.
In the early days of human
development the two by two, male
and female would have made
absolute sense as in the hunter
gatherer period males went out to
hunt and women stayed home as
nurturers. Monogamy reigned for
the successful survival of the
species, we pair bonded to protect
our babies. Despite the individual
variations the coupling idea
remains and is enforced to some
degree
in
modern
times.
Polyamory is not widely enjoyed..
maybe stigmatised by this biblical
paradigm.
Do we even need a relationship?
Many single people signal that we
don’t need a romantic relationship
to have happy progressive lives,
yet that inner yearning for
connection persists....
And now science suggests we do
have a need to bond with another.
Our brains shows we’re wired to
connect, those neurones are
located in the limbic part of the
brain which is all about survival. On
that same note behavioural
science shows attachment in
adults is very similar to the
relationship between a mother and
baby, the eye contact and physical
need for connection in particular.
Cuddles matter. It seems our
wiring is to have attachment and
the comfort of another-- as social
creatures we bond for our survival
and maybe to feel emotionally and
spiritually complete.
Eastern philosophy says we are born
into a ‘separation story’ and life is an
opportunity to reconnect with the
divine in us and in everything during
our physical experience. As we
evolve the need to connect extends
beyond survival it is about being
part of One Consciousness. We are
fractals of the one divine light and
when we live in recognition of that
we are at ease and reassured and
accountable for each other. And
when we hurt another we hurt
ourselves.
Bonding
We are spirits having a physical
experience now science posits that
a ‘Secure Bond ‘improves our
physical and mental health. In fact
the Harvard “Happiness study”
running for over 85 years indicates
the importance of human
connection for well being and
balance. Thus a loving relationship
creating a powerful loving bond is
worth striving for, whether a
romantic relationship or friendship
or Loving community. The bond is
not only found in romantic
relationships there is a broader way
to find the connection and trust we
seek, with close friends for instance.
And as we evolve and accept more
gender fluidity the Noah’s ark
paradigm might include same sex
couples.
Ways to develop a bond with
another human being
The bond starts with us being at
ease with ourselves enough to
open to another human being at
a deep level of honesty that can
lead to trust and reliance. It
begins with one of us making the
intimacy move.
Security at core is acceptance of
our range of human frailties and
differences. The bond weakens
when we don’t know how to
resolve our emotional needs and
Designed by “Heart of Glastonbury” copyright
’NatureEmbrace’ by Josephine
Wall. www.josephinewall.com
patterns and generally we have
received no teaching on the
importance of conversations
intending equanimity, yet alone
language. Science shows ‘rejection’
and ‘criticism ‘lights up the pain
centres in the brain. It’s very painful
to be criticised by a
spouse/partner/close friend.
Bonding increases when we can
learn to accept our differences, let
go of many of them and give each
other more freedom.
The bond is strengthened
slightly differently between the
sexes:- Feminine skewed people
often need the reassurance that
their needs matter to their
spouse/partner/friend, as often
they are expected to be the
‘Giver’ by cultural norms..
Masculine encoded people
often need respect and approval
as suggested by the culture to
be considered a viable male.
Sensing individual desires and
nuances takes time to discover
and respect. The journey into the
forest of human intimacy is
never one straight path.
Communication is vital. In
particular to reassure each other
of commitment through thick
and thin as there are bound to be