5 to 9By the age of 6, most children will show an interest in howbabies are made and may ask how the egg and sperm gettogether, which will involve a simple explanation of sexualintercourse (see Explaining intercourse, conception,pregnancy and birth to children on page 35).They are also likely to hear stories about sex in theplayground, and pick up that sex is a ‘rude’ topic.At this age children may continue sex play (such as looking undertoilet doors, or ‘you show me yours’) but have usually becomebetter at stopping when adults pass by. They need to know thatsome parts of the body are private, and that masturbation is aprivate thing.Make sure all childrenknow that they can say‘No’ to touching thatthey do not want.Around age 8, children may begin to form new social groupsbased on common interests, so children who are ‘different’ mayhave more trouble fitting in. Some of the things we teach childrenabout ‘acting like a man’ or ‘being ladylike’ can affect children’swellbeing by creating a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to be. Many girlsand boys do not fit current feminine and masculine stereotypes.Children might start to be critical of boys who like ‘girl’things and girls who like ‘boy’ things. Your children mightneed to learn that it is wrong to pick on kids who aredifferent, and that it is unfair to have rules about who canlike what. Encourage them to appreciate the differencesbetween us; these make us who we are.What parents can do Use books and start the conversation now about howbabies are made (see: Some good books and otherwritten resources on page 66). If the children haven’tasked, start with ‘have you ever wondered how youwere born?’ Some children at this age may well feel modest and somight want privacy in the bathroom. Make sure all children know that they can say ‘No’ totouching that they do not want. Some girls will begin breast development and periodsat age 8. By age 9, start a conversation with boys andgirls about ‘growing up’ and changing bodies. If your son or daughter feels they do not fit in becausethey are developing at a different rate or do not sharecommon interests with other children, you can supportthem by reminding them that there are lots of ways ofbeing a boy or girl and that none of these are ‘right’or ‘wrong’. Focusing on the qualities of being a goodperson, and seeing examples of different types ofwomen and men, can also be of help.17
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