The Trinidad Presbyterian | September 2020 - Magazine - Page 1
children must be
SEEN & HEARD
COUNSELLING COLUMN WITH BERNADETTE GYAN-MANICKCHAND
Q
What does it take to get your
undivided attention?
not quite that rude, I start looking
around and with my body language
I communicate that I am not the
least bit interested in what you
have to say.
If you are a normal person, you feel
hurt and offended by my lack of
respect for you. You have quickly
seen that I am not a sincere listener.
Many of us struggle
all our lives to be
good listeners
A
llow me to paint a word
picture for you. You and
I are standing outside,
and you are sharing with
me some very important thoughts
you have had recently. In the
middle of our conversation, I just
turn and walk away, leaving you
hanging mid-sentence. Even if I am
6
Our children feel the same way
when they are trying to say
something to us, and they cannot
get or keep our attention. Not
only do they want our attention,
but they also yearn for a parent to
understand what they are going
through. They need for us to ask
questions, not in a badgering
manner but in a genuine desire to
understand their thoughts, feelings,
hurts and desires.
Some people are better at listening
than others. Many of us struggle
all our lives to be good listeners.
One has to learn the art of listening.
It is especially difficult for many
who in their own family of origin
were raised with the belief that
children should be seen and not
heard. It is necessary we get our
children to talk or share their daily
activities such as a book they
have read; a movie they saw; a
trip to the beach or even a conflict
with a friend. These could make
good rapport sessions. Involving
children in common interests
such as pets, gardening, or sports
make communication easier.
Understanding their need for
support can only come about by
active listening.
Once children realise that their
views and opinions are appreciated,
they would be encouraged to
talk. And then they would really
begin to listen to us as adults.
Only then respect and love would
grow. Remember that respect is to
fathers what communication is to
mothers. And to gain respect we
have to give respect.
THE TRINIDAD PRESBYTERIAN | SEPTEMBER 2020 | www.pctt.org.tt
