Marriage: Love and Law exhibition catalogue - Flipbook - Page 118
Malaysia and Spain favours women keeping their maiden names, so the trend
in Australia is by no means universal, and as long as it continues, the practical
and professional costs of name change are disproportionately worn by women.
Beyond such obvious markers as those I’ve mentioned, the expectation that
wives will cook and clean for all members of the household remains strong,
and working women today still find themselves with the majority of the
household chores and child care, even while working full time, with the average
Australian woman doing seven hours a week more housework than the average
man. Extraordinarily, when women are primary bread winners and their
spouses are unemployed, women still do almost half of the household chores.
Each partnership is different, many men are doing more and many of us enjoy
‘making house’, as it were. But there are only so many hours in the day, and
the reasons why some marriages are destined to be under strain can be seen
in those kinds of stats. (Perhaps they’ll add ‘willing to vacuum’ to the dubious
online divorce calculator in future?)
Religion often asserts that it owns marriage, but in 2016, 76 per cent
of marriages were performed by civil celebrants. We may still hang on to some
of the old traditions, some that might arguably be best left behind, but we seem
to be getting hitched for our own reasons, and we are doing it in our own ways.
Marriage may pre-date recorded history, but this ancient institution is changing
with the people who want to enter into it. Perhaps today, with divorce
all around us, getting married is less about misty-eyed ideals and more about
hope and the power of that publicly declared announcement of intention:
‘We are a team. We’re going to give it our best shot.’ Marriage is hard, but so is
life. A good life partner can help, whether one chooses to make it ‘legal’ or not.
The same Pew study I mentioned earlier suggested that when I married my
husband I was among about 10 per cent of people in my age group who had
remarried after already having been divorced two or more times. The number
goes up with age as well. Twice divorced is no longer so extraordinary,
as it turns out, and now even Prince Harry has been allowed to marry a divorcee
without the Royal Family or the Church of England getting in the way. Progress?
Perhaps. But that depends on your view of the institution we are all lining up
to sign on to. Does marriage stem from a fundamental human need for coupling
and belonging? Or is it part of an antiquated system best left to history?
Despite its flaws I believe in marriage, even after the failures of my past.
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A cautionary tale (Bride #2), from Mark Tweedie’s 2018 series,
Births, Deaths and Marriages, speaks of both fragility and
strength. While the bride’s face has faded—a metaphor for
the failing of memory over time—her presence endures.
Do you?
86 Mark Tweedie
A cautionary tale (Bride #2)
Oil on canvas
2018
Courtesy of artist
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