MONO ISSUE 2 - Flipbook - Page 93
I DON'T THINK ABOUT THEM
by Lauren Oertel
I don’t think about the kids I gave up
except when my disease flares,
the disease I developed from the extreme stress
of the short time I was a parent
Except every time another friend of mine has a baby
and I’m terrified about the daily horrors
they’re gleefully signing up for,
I don’t know how to separate my experience
from what they envision parenting to be
My mind goes back to scrubbing the reeking accidents
out of the carpet from the youngest,
patching the holes in the walls
from the furniture thrown by the oldest,
the excruciating hours of screaming tantrums
until their throats were too raw to speak
of the gaping wounds of their histories,
what they’ve seen and what they had no choice
to do for survival
I don’t think about the kids I gave up
except when I see the swirls of pink Sharpie marker
that never came out
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