MONO ISSUE 2 - Flipbook - Page 13
father, and helped me realise that while our history does shape us, it is not the only thing
that shapes us, nor does its actions need to be repeated in our own actions; you once
said to me to ask him why he was always so angry, and while I never did – in fact I may
have laughed when you suggested it – I believe that question, your offering of it and my
ensuring it would remain unasked, is another reason I visit my father once a month, as
though I am preparing to ask it of him now after all this time before it is too late, though I
have no intention of doing so, or perhaps I am waiting for him to answer it without me
having to ask, which like the thought of you never thinking of me, makes almost perfect
sense.
But because the knowledge of the man cannot be given to his younger self, the present
having no effect on the past, all I can hope for is that maybe you could know me now and
see that the journey you set me upon – and it is without a doubt you who set me upon
this journey - was a journey well taken, a journey I am glad to have begun as hard as it
may have been at times, my stumbles many, my mistakes great, my bursts of anger
sometimes shaking me so much I became as a different man, a journey I sometimes feel
I am still on – perhaps always will be on, such journeys having no true end but the end all
journeys have eventually, no matter the good or bad that may have populated that
journey – a journey which led me to my wife who I love and two children who are equal to
the stars and moon and sun, and who I have never once raised my voice to, never
wanting to see the fear in their eyes that I knew existed in mine when I was their age and
older, though my anger is still there, a violent beast begging to be unleashed but one I
have learnt to control, and I, seeing you, might say ‘sorry’ for my cruel goodbye and
‘thank you’ for all that you began for me, and maybe, with your permission,
hold you one last time.
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