Minimalist Gossip Magazine Cover (49).pdf (23) - Flipbook - Page 67
BITTER BETTY
by J Archer Avary
I usually shop at Jacky White’s Market because it’s convenient. I use the rooftop
carpark, pop down for my essentials, and I’m on my way in a jiffy. It’s not posh
like Sainsbury’s or M&S, but it has everything I need. Some of the clientele seem
sketchy or dangerous, but that’s part of the charm of going into the city centre.
Anything can happen at Jacky White’s Market.
So when I needed tuna steaks for a mid-week family dinner, I headed straight to
Jacky White’s Market. I’d never been to the fishmonger’s stall before and
thought, why not give it a try instead of driving all the way to Fish Quay?
What a mistake.
There was no queue so I walked right up. Off to a great start until I saw the
cheerless woman in a hairnet sitting at the counter, filing her overgrown and
curling fingernails. I didn’t see a name tag, so I’ll call her Bitter Betty. Bitter Betty
was so engrossed with filing her claws I had to fake cough to get her attention.
“What do you want here,” she sneered, without enthusiasm.
I didn’t let her attitude upset me at first. Maybe she was having a bad day. I
turned on the charm, hoping to cheer her up with my infectious positivity.
“I’m having a great day, in case you were wondering,” I said, with jazz hands.
That energy was clearly too much for her. She folded her arms across her chest
and scowled. I dropped the jazz hands and dialled back the smile.
“Your choice. Order some fish, or fuck off.”
I was surprised when she cursed at me, but you have to give people the benefit
of the doubt. You can never tell what someone might be going through. Her bitter
personality may be a well-cloaked cry for compassion. I smiled even wider.
“I’m looking for some tuna steak actually, half a kilo.”
“We don’t use the metric system here.”
“It’s just over a pound.”
“Brexit is law of the land, and the EU can shove their bloody metric system,” she
said, pointing to signs taped on the till.
“See what it says here? Customers must place orders in
imperial units.”
"I'll take one pound of tuna steak, then.” I said. “A little over is fine.”
“We don’t got any tuna steak.”
“You mean, you ran out?”
“We didn’t run out,” she narrowed her eyes. “We don’t got any tuna today or any
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