Minimalist Gossip Magazine Cover (49).pdf (13) - Flipbook - Page 79
TROUSERS
by Allan Miller
I was running late, as per usual, so I chucked my suit into the back of the car and set off
with the intention of getting changed on the way. After a mad dash I arrived at the
village, but still needed to put on my suit, and was now desperate for the toilet. Luckily I
found a car park with a public lavatory.
As I was relieving myself, a smartly dressed man in his early 60s came in and stood at
the urinal next to me. After a moment or two’s silence, he asked me if I was up on
holiday, and I told him that I was on my way to a wedding. Judging by his tartan trousers
I thought he might be going to the wedding too, but he only commented on it being a
nice day for it.
He probably thought I looked a bit scruffy to be a wedding guest, so I explained that I
was about to get changed into my suit and tie and had hoped I might be able to do that
in the public convenience, had it been in better condition, but was now going to have to
get changed in my car.
He said that he lived just around the corner, and that I was welcome to pop into his
house to get dressed. I thought that was a bit weird, so told him thanks but no thanks.
But as I was on the way back to my car, I thought to myself that it was probably me
being weird as most people in the highlands are extremely friendly and welcoming.
Plus, it would have saved me the difficult job of getting changed inside a cramped car in
a very public car park.
When the guy came out of the bathroom, I waved to him and asked if I could still take
him up on his kind offer. He said that was no problem at all, and I followed him around
the corner to rather a grand house. He showed me into the living room, where he said I
could get myself ready. Then he left, closing the door behind himself, which I must
admit I was quite relieved about, having been slightly concerned he might stand there
watching me.
I got undressed, and began getting changed into my suit, but just as I was putting on my
trousers the door opened. I thought it was the man, but when I turned around I saw it
was a woman. She looked more shocked than I was. Then all hell broke loose.
She started shouting and balling. I tried to tell her not to be alarmed, and that her
husband had invited me in, but that seemed to make this worse
‘James! James!’ she screamed. ‘What have you been up to? What the hell is going on?’
I was glad he was coming to explain the situation.
Her husband rushed into the room, and I was horrified to see he wasn’t the same man
who’d brought me in to the house.
James yelled something then lunged at me. I only had one leg in my trousers, but
managed to dodge out of the way, and he fell over a coffee table. I hopped towards the
door, but he grabbed hold of the trailing leg of my trousers and wouldn’t let go. I pulled
and managed to break free, but not without leaving my trousers behind. I ran out of the
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