WE ROAR Magazine April 2024 - Magazine - Page 7
Maybe you've experienced something similar.
For me, it was even in how I dressed because I
would change. Now, I always like the colour
black, don't get me wrong. That was a centre
piece, I guess, to some extent. But even how I
dressed really changed, again, my looks … so
much of it was masking.
You have more image changes than Madonna!
This is why I would always say to everybody,
don't wait for the official diagnosis. It's not
that you have to have the Autistic label...
proceed like you are neurodivergent. See what
the different layers are and what you can peel
back and maybe through that lens, look at
things and see if it makes any difference.
Even without identifying a neurotype or thinking
about diagnosis, you can look at individual things
and they can help make sense, especially when
you're trying to understand that not everybody
perceives the world and experiences things in
the same way. So for instance, I have a really
vivid mind's eye, so my visual memory and visual
imagination are superb, which can be a real gift
to me, but also can make me really vulnerable to
trauma and PTSD.
My husband doesn't have a mind's eye, so he
doesn't experience things in the same way,
particularly loss and death and funerals and
things like that. But then when we found out
about rejection sensitive dysphoria, that's a real
marriage saver. When you realise that it's not
necessarily a rejection, if someone hasn't told
you you look sexy in a particular dress or
something, that it's an oversight and a perceived
rejection, not an not actual trying to stab you in
the heart or anything.
wrong thing or doesn't say the right or anything
like that, seriously look into rejection sensitive
dysphoria.
I'm very much like that as well. I agree that
that's a blessing, but in a lot of ways also it's
very difficult because when you've been
through trauma, I think you are more
susceptible. Especially when we have those
visual snapshots. It’s hard to erase those once
they are ingrained.
We're getting into the really deep and
meaningful stuff now... When my eldest child
died, my husband said to me, You need to go to
the Chapel of Rest, otherwise it's not going to
sink in and you're not going to process it. And it's
the absolute worst thing I could have done
because it's what I was seeing every morning
when I woke up. But he wasn't to know that
because it's what he needed, whereas I've
already got a vivid visual imagination and I could
do without it being any more vivid.
As a parent, I haven't gone through what
you've gone through, it's pretty unimaginable.
Especially, as we've just talked about with that
visual thinking and having that ingrained, how
have you been able to move forward and to
heal or not heal in some ways?
Do you know what? A lot of people probably
wonder that, and not many people actually ask
me, so thank you. I'm a very forward-thinking,
keep on moving person. So it's like a real
survivor mentality. I've experienced some really
bad things in my life, and I've always kept
looking forward. There's always been a light at
the end of the tunnel. And when you're a mother
to three kids, and one of them dies... the other
two are still here.
And seriously, without even contemplating an
ADHD diagnosis, if you're someone that's
regularly upset because your partner says the
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