heart of glastonbury JuneJuly 24 - Flipbook - Page 57
MEN SUFFER TOO - DOMESTIC ABUSE TOWARDS MEN
When we hear labels such as,
domestic abuse or domestic
violence, we automatically
think that it is the female in the
relationship that is being
abused, and to some extent
most will think this. After all,
of all the cases of domestic
violence or abuse that are
reported to authorities, two
thirds of them are women.
This means over a third are
men, and in truth that is just
the tip of the iceberg. Simply
put, men are just unwilling to
report domestic
abuse/violence to the police,
and they’re unlikely to seek
help when they are suffering in
a relationship where their
female partner is either
violently or mentally abusing
them.
It’s a myth that women of all
types and quite often the most
unsuspecting of women
cannot be violent to their
husbands or partners. Being
violent is not the sole domain
of men, despite what is
commonly put out in the public
domain. Women can also be
violent or abusive in
relationships.
These beliefs that have been
“deemed as gospel” in society
and have been, and were,
manufactured over the years
now need to be broken down
and then we may be able to
find out the magnitude and
severity of just how many men
are living a nightmare in a
violent or abusive relationship.
The stigma surrounding men
that live in a violent or abusive
relationship is massive. It
stops men from coming
forward and opening up, and
telling anyone that they’re
being abused. This is for a
multitude of reasons. The
biggest is usually because of
embarrassment and the
judgement they will receive
from narrow minded people
with the obvious comment
such as you let a woman beat
you up or control or mentally
abuse you (as an example), and
I’m sure many men at that point
will be told to man up.
The problem is if you have
been raised to respect people
and not necessarily fight back
as so many of us have, then if a
woman hits you, it’s a situation
that in all honestly you will find
difficult to deal with. You won’t
hit back because we have
always been told not to hit a
woman and that is entirely
right, but it should also go the
other way too. Women should
not be hitting men, children,
men should not women or
children either.
It will open the doors for your
partner to take it to another
level and continue with abuse
and possible violence for the
simple fact that they know you
are unlikely to report it or seek
help for fear of embarrassment
or being judged as weak.
My late father was abused
badly (violently on many
occasions, even with Knives)
by my mother which resulted in
him leaving when I was a 3
month young child. He never
spoke of it, neither did he
report it, though he did have
the courage to leave at least.
I’ve seen and witnessed all the
signs, identified all the red
flags through my own
experiences and yet when you
personally end up in a
relationship and this happens,
you can be blinkered or just
not even know to piece it
together until it’s too late and
you’re then in that situation.
Subconsciously you know, but
physically you can be
blinkered.
I have encountered this twice
now personally. Firstly with my
children’s Mother. Secondly
with another partner of 4
years.
The fore mentioned, for
many years I was isolated,
had to look at the floor in
social events, had all my
friends slowly removed, no
friends or family at my
wedding, full control of my
earnings, always putting me
down and yet seemed to
everyone we had a normal
life. It was far from that. A
deep sadness which nearly
took my life in 2009.
The latter I still am going
through a long legal battle
with. She was violent and
abusive continuously and
had an apparent secret drink
problem. Still she continues
with fraudulently renting out
of my home, death threats,
fake social media profiles,
and yet nothing done for a
duration of 18 months since
being attacked. The police
have shown me personally
how far away we are from
accepting fully that men also
suffer, just how much they
suffer and literally how it’s
not taken seriously in the
judicial system.