Gay London Life | Jan '25 Edition - Magazine - Page 46
I’m going to be a total self-analytical
opportunities into consideration. I
slut in 2025. I’ll get to the semantics
was the kind of person who’d sit in my
of that shortly in this column. I fucking
drama and almost fetishise it.
LOVE a New Year, I really do. It feels
family loss, the final removal of a
the fun of Christmas and the pain
very toxic man from my life, personal
of tax return season. I’ve always
challenges, some legal woes, and
been a fan of using a new year as a
even a stalking situation. Despite it all,
marker for change, advancement,
I kept my focus, knowing that staying
and personal improvements. Sounds
on track would make me happier in
like such corny bullshit, doesn’t it? I
the long run. And it did.
honestly do appreciate that this can
Topher
Talks
But in 2024, I refused. I faced
like a reset, in a way. A marker between
But here’s the thing and the part
put unnecessary pressure on some
where I’ve got it wrong in the past:
people, especially those who are
time and patience. This shift didn’t
prone to comparing themselves to
happen overnight. It took practice,
others. I have trained myself out of
self-reflection, and a motivated
doing that, thankfully. I refuse to let
decision to finally stop letting external
comparison with others thieve my joy.
chaos dictate my internal state and
Instead, I compare myself to who
create more static within my brain.
I was a year ago. I use self-analysis
One of the biggest lessons I learned
to map out my professional goals for
is that discipline is so much more
the next 365 days. I become my own
important than motivation. Motivation
competition, in a way, and it’s always
is fleeting, but discipline keeps you
been quite a healthy approach for
going when things get tough.
me. It’s certainly encouraged some
I also (finally) learned the
of my better behaviour, contributed
importance of boundaries.
to success, and helped me get out of
Something which has been an issue
my own way (something I’ve struggled
since I was a teenager. Whether it’s
with since my early 20s). For example,
with men, friends, work, or even with
if I notice that I failed or didn’t work
myself, setting clear boundaries
hard enough in a certain area, or let
(and really sticking to them, however
something trivial delay or distract me, I
uncomfortable) has been a game-
use it as a lesson going forward. I work
changer for me. Toxic situations have
to remove that distraction (usually a
a way of creeping back in if you don’t
man), break that behavioural pattern
actively shut the door on them - and
(like not getting out of bed on time),
put a bolt on that fucking door! That’s
and address that failure (often a
why I’ve become insatiable about
situation where I let my internal ‘cringe
identifying what isn’t serving me and
factor’ sabotage me). I suggest that
cutting it out of my life. For good.
you should try and do this, too. It can
As I move into 2025, I am going to
be brutal but some of the best ways to
focus on continuing this momentum.
improve your life, is to really hold that
I’m setting ambitious goals for myself
HD mirror up to yourself and take it
but I’m also giving myself permission
all in. The good, the bad, and the butt
to rest when I need it. I am prone to
ugly. It can feel really uncomfortable
burnout, due to my ‘be strong’ working
at first, but you’d be surprised by how
style. Burnout isn’t a badge of honour,
many patterns in your behaviour
and taking care of myself is more
emerge when you lay it all out and
important as ticking off my to-do list.
start comparing. I promise you that the
insights you’ll gain are worth it.
I was on a bit of an emotional
So, you’re reading this and feeling
overwhelmed about the new year,
here’s my advice: don’t try to change
rollercoaster throughout 2024, but
everything at once. Pick one area
it’s the first year I didn’t let personal
of your life to focus on, be honest
issues interfere with my career. The
about what’s holding you back, and
career I’ve worked so hard for and
then commit to small and consistent
care deeply about. In the past, I’d let
changes. And celebrate each time
drama pull my focus, which only made
you succeed with change. And,
things worse. Ultimately, this would
yes, every-single-time, even if it’s
leave me even more upset, as parts of
with an orgasm or a chocolate bar.
my career would falter, my freelance
Growth doesn’t have to be a dramatic
income would drop, and I’d feel more
transformation for everyone. Growth
stressed trying to catch up afterward.
is actually the result of tiny, deliberate
That’s not even taking the missed
steps taken every day.
topher@tophertaylor.co.uk
Follow my TikTok @TopherTaylor, Instagram @TopherTaylor
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or X @HelloIamTopher for more.