Gay London Life | Oct '24 Edition - Magazine - Page 46
Topher
Talks
October 11th marks National
interested in stereotypically ‘camp’
Coming Out Day. Some of us come
things. It has been a gradual process
out to family, friends, colleagues,
of unlearning, allowing myself to
classmates, and more. For others, this
embrace the very parts of my identity
becomes a lifelong process, repeating
that I once felt pressured to hide or
over and over in different ways.
reject. With that comes a deeper
Constantly. Do we ever stop coming
sense of freedom and authenticity,
out? While some never have the
which I never thought possible.
luxury of that initial moment - whether
One of the best ways to
because they must keep it secret, lack
genuinely embrace your true self
the opportunity, or are never in a safe
is by stepping outside of your usual
enough environment… ‘coming out’
circles, which is bloody difficult,
can remain an ongoing journey.
I know! Mixing with new people,
The initial act of coming out can be
attending different events, reading
empowering, terrifying, life-changing,
diverse books, and even exploring
and liberating on a level that is hard
new dating or kink apps can all open
to fathom. But, as we (unfortunately)
opportunities for self-discovery
know, it can require constant
and the release of shame. It is about
negotiation with personal safety, social
giving yourself the space to explore,
acceptance, and even mental health.
without judgement, the things that
As we all know, the LGBTQ+
truly resonate with you (the real you,
scene is vast, diverse, and filled with
beneath the façade)—whether they
intersections and subcultures that
are new interests or ones you have
are constantly evolving. I have been
kept hidden. Accepting and owning
part of the queer scene for years,
what we are into, without fear or
and I continually witness people
shame, is a key part of that journey
reinventing themselves, evolving
towards living authentically.
into more actualised versions of who
Even flicking through *Gay
they are—or perhaps just letting
London Life* and paying attention to
go of some of the bullshit. For many
some of the club nights, community
in the queer community, this is an
events, or LGBTQ+ venues that
ongoing process; new environments,
catch your fancy but you have not
relationships, or social circles often
visited yet—why not now? Maybe
require different levels of disclosure.
make it a resolution for 2025? Do not
As we grow, those of us with
punish or deprive yourself for being
internalised homophobia are
curious about things; you should be
constantly coming out—time and
rewarding yourself for it.
time again. This tension between
As I often say in almost everything
embracing and resisting certain
I write (or at least imply), life is incredibly
aspects of queer culture can feel like
short—far too short to deprive yourself
an ongoing battle, whether it is in how
of the luxuries of the queer scene
we express ourselves aesthetically,
in London. Do you know how many
how we engage with the scene,
people around the globe would kill for
or how we experiment with kink
the opportunities and freedoms we
and sexuality. For some, it is about
have within our six zones, all accessible
balancing personal authenticity with
by an Oyster card?
a fear of conforming to stereotypes.
I might just be speaking for
The internalised shame that many of
myself here, but I think a huge part of
us carry from trauma and negative
the queer experience is the way that
experiences can help liberate us,
“NEVER” slowly changes to “WHY
but it can also set us back quite
NOT?” and there is something very
badly—especially when it comes to
beautiful about that. It is a sign that we
opening our minds (and bodies) to
have grown, expanded, and changed
experiences seen as cliché, ‘typically
into something and someone more
queer,’ camp, or stereotypical.
accepting of our own desires and
Personally, I now do things that,
curiosities. It is amazing how much we
10 years ago, I would have sworn I
evolve over time; as we let go of old
would never do. Over time, I have
limits and embrace new experiences,
learned to let go of the internalised
we once swore were not for us.
judgement and self-deprivation that
How many of us can look back and
came from growing up surrounded by
compare who we thought we would
hostility for being gay, effeminate, and
grow up to be with who we are now?
If you need further guidance or have questions, feel free to email me:
topher@tophertaylor.co.uk
Follow my TikTok @TopherTaylor, Instagram @TopherTaylor
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or X @HelloIamTopher for more.