EXAMPLE PAGE - EBOOKS - THE PROMISE OF THE TEA GODS - Flipbook - Page 51
the promise of the tea-gods
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He looked at the water splashing against the rocks, the water flowing
onto the sand, the water reflecting the sky; and he felt like he had just
stumbled upon the land of opposites—where the boundaries were unclear, and everything seemed to overlap.
Her presence was so peaceful, so calming, yet right up next to it he
was struggling with a thousand feelings—all of them swinging swords,
none of them quite sure about anything. War and peace. If he touched
one, he would touch the other . . .
She hadn’t accepted his apology, which made him feel rejected, and
yet he felt embraced by her at the same time. Had he been pushed away
or pulled closer? He couldn’t decide. One felt just as real as the other.
He wanted to be forgiven and at the same time, he knew he didn’t
deserve it. Which one was true—the wanting or the knowing?
He really was sorry, but he was sure she didn’t believe it. Why would
she? His actions and his words told conflicting stories—in one he was a
lion, in the other he was a lamb. So which story should she believe, the
one that came first or the one that came after? A year after. A whole year
after click-and-gone. No big deal. Just another non-person deleted from
his world. He hadn’t ever even thought about it, until now—in the afterstory. The one Binnie had arranged.
He wished she would say something but at the same time he was
terrified of what she might say. This was truly a dilemma. He loved the
sound of her voice. He could drink it. He could lay his head on it. He
could dance with it. He wanted to hear it again. And again. But how
could he want something he was terrified of having? These two opposites were so close together they intertwined; and if she gave him what
he wanted he would also have to touch his fear—his fear of not being
able to undo what he had done. His fear of edges. And endings.
She looked at him. He looked at her. She smiled again. Every flower
in Southeast Asia started to sing. A Buddhist monk, in a nearby temple,
threw his head back and laughed at the sky . . . Soo-kang held his
breath—waiting for the inevitable ending.
She reached over and gently put her hand on his knee. He thought it
might be okay to die right now—sitting by the ocean, on a rock, next to
