EXAMPLE PAGE - EBOOK - TEA GODS - Flipbook - Seite 54
44
H. K. O'HARA
She was so beautifully certain. He was so beautifully puzzled.
How in the world could heartlessness ever make me more? More of
what, he wondered . . . More of an idiot? More of a jerk? What exactly
am I becoming more of? . . . “I don’t mean to argue with you,” he said.
“It’s just that I don’t buy it. I’m only human, is just an excuse for not
being a better human. It’s a cop-out. It’s not taking responsibility. If I
make a mistake, I need to fix it. If I do something that hurts someone,
it’s not because I’m only human, it’s because I’m only heartless or only
careless or only selfish. And whichever one it is, I need to figure it out
and make it right.”
“Sometimes, being a little heartless or a little careless is how we
learn to be a little more of what we’d rather be,” said K. “And we need
to give ourselves time to learn . . . I’m only human, means that I only
know how to do what I know how to do. Tomorrow, I may know how
to do things differently—but today, this is all I know. So it’s okay to be
only human. It’s a necessary step—everyone, at some point along the
way, is only human.”
“I don’t want to be what everyone else is. On my list of things I want
to be, ‘only human’ will never be written. I want to be a human who
makes good choices. A human who makes wise decisions. I don’t want
to ever regret anything I say or do. And I don’t want to hurt anyone. I
understand that people only do what they know how to do—but if what
you do harms someone else, if what you do is just plain wrong, then
whoever did it needs to make it right.”
She lightly touched his arm. “Well, good luck with that one!” She
laughed her beautiful laugh—Soo-kang heard a thousand tiny bells riding the wind.
He wanted to laugh with her; it would feel so good, but he couldn’t
let himself. That would not be fair. He was supposed to be feeling guilty,
remorseful, and sorry—not having a good time.
She picked up another seashell, held it tightly in her hand and continued, “Good choices are the most elusive things in the world. What
seemed like a good choice an hour ago, ten days from now, can actually
be the worst choice you ever made in your life.”
