COROMIND ISSUE 18 JUN24 ONLINEVERSION - Flipbook - Page 7
Traf昀椀c Tumult
Cone-mageddon hits the Coromandel
Sporadic road cone displays have always been a part of
the package of visiting and travelling around the beautiful
Coromandel Peninsula. The breathtaking State Highway
25 and 25A take in both coastal shores and forest
wonderlands, frequently peppered with segments of those
delightful re昀氀ective beacons of joy – Road Cones.
Recently however, locals and visitors alike are lamenting
the notable decrease in the shiny structures that keep our
road workers and merry travellers safe on our coastal
routes. It has been brought to our attention that this is due
to signi昀椀cant issues with the supply of the 2022 design of
road cone, a batch code-named ‘The Perky Orange’.
Tama Gibraltar, Head of Cone Placement of the Road Safety
Team NZ, has stated, “Across Aotearoa we like to have at
least 8 billion cones available to bring in for our various
projects, but due to the expensive production of The Perky
Orange, we have fallen short by 3.7%”. This has meant
that roads across New Zealand are missing approximately
29.6 million road cones, and the Coromandel Peninsula is
feeling the pressure.
Cone placement groups from the Coromandel SH25
Cone Division and local teams under the Coromandel
Council have been required to attend cone-based strategic
meetings and conferences across Aotearoa in recent
months. These meetings, held behind clearly signed and
closed doors, were not open to the public although the
agenda was provided upon request. This agenda outlined
the plan to form a solid foundation of cone orientation
that ultimately leads to a 昀椀nite and satisfying peak. It went
on to suggest that when this is achieved, multiple layers of
success can be neatly stacked on top.
Standard guideline 16.B (II) of the Cone Placement Bill
Aotearoa (1979) states that, ‘Glossy orange cones need to
be placed at maximum 12 inches apart’. The guidelines
later state that this achieves two important outcomes:
● 16.C (III) allow for scooters and small pedestrians to
manoeuvre between them safely.
● 16.C (IV) allow for an attractive aesthetic that those
queueing can enjoy for hours at a time.
.
The Perky Orange has not only brought down the ratio
of road cones to citizens, now 1503 Road Cones/Each
Citizen (2022 census), but it has brought up costs for
the taxpayer. Pearl Mapex, CEO of The Lovely Cones
Company, has informed us that the production of each
batch of a thousand cones cost around $85k. This means
that nationally the bill has amounted to over 340 billion
dollars between 2016 to present.
Local road users have noticed this shift from the standard
12 inches between each road cone to that of the rather
debilitating 14 inches. “The cost is not the issue,” says local
resident Ayotte Evans. “I am happy to foot the bill, as long
as this poor excuse of a government gets their act together
and increases production of the perky orange buggers.”
As if this wasn’t already enough to paint a blemish on our
colourful commute, a recent report from the Coromandel
Youth Trust was published in recent weeks. The report
昀椀nds that the lack of access to road cones has meant that
youths are struggling to source Perky Oranges to place
atop lampposts, pine trees and chimneys. Youth leaders
describe increased levels of lethargy and vacant stares
beyond the horizon. Both time and therapy are only
temporary solutions.
Will we ever see a return of the SH25 scenic drive
featuring not only ice creams and beaches, but also our
beloved orange runways? How can we ensure our roads
are safe, if not for the stoic diurnal and nocturnal pillars
of our community? Will the government step forward and
lay out a roadmap for how to 昀椀x this problem, one Perky
Orange at a time?
We have reached out for a comment from the Ministry of
Vehicles and Roads, more to come …
Words by
Rabian Foberts
Coromind | 6