The Inner Critic - Flipbook - Page 16
And, the strength and structure of our inner self and identity will determine the degree to which
feedback negatively perturbs us, the degree to which we assimilate and internalise, and the degree to
which we self-criticise and sanction
Misplaced praise/reward from others
We all need praise and encouragement. Some people openly acknowledge this, others resist it. Our
perspective will be dependent upon the cultural, educational and familial systems in which we have
been raised. Whether we recognise ourself or not, there is a plethora of neuroscience that undeniably
demonstrates the impact of positive armation on our psychological health and well-being.
Not all praise, however, is created equal. We need praise that arms our self-worth for who we are as
a human being. Other praise, such as that for achievement or appearance, might be helpful but I’d
suggest the ground beneath is shaky. What happens when looks are lost, or when grades are poor – if
there is no inherent self-worth?
If we only receive praise for what we do or achieve we may develop an inner driver pushing us to
achieve again and again, and when we don’t, the driver is ably assisted by a critic piping up to remind
us how we are not good enough (or some such variation).
I would also suggest that meaningful praise from those for whom we care, those who are important to
us in the way they shape and mould our lives, is the most valuable – so caregivers, teachers are
obvious ones, friends another. People for whom we have respect and admiration.
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