BBC premarital counseling booklet-1 - Flipbook - Page 7
E.
AFTER THE HONEYMOON
After the honeymoon, there is a sudden drop in marital satisfaction, as they are
adjustments to married life. Why can’t couples predict adjustments before they get
Married? Their romantic perspectives often blind them. Also, there are adjustments about
habits in which they would not know about before marriage; such as, “He tosses and turns
at night”. “She hangs up her pantyhose in the bathroom.” “He throws tools around the
place and is very messy.” “The drawers are disorganized.” These adjustments can be
worked out by compromising with each other.
Does the husband expect the wife to forfeit a career to be a housewife and mother?
Does the wife expect the husband to keep a well-running car? Who should clean the
garage? Who is to take the initiative in sex? If your expectations differ, conflict will result.
Other adjustments that need to be fulfilled include adjusting to differences,
establishing goals, expressing emotions, developing an effective communication style,
establishing decision making roles, understanding power structure, acknowledging
different roles, and adjusting to family background and in-laws, to name a few.
As couples begin the family life cycle, several factors help create problems.
1. Lack of preparation for marriage. David Mace, a pioneer in the field of marriage
enrichment, described this lack of preparation. Mace says that neither partner is able to
recognize his/her own need to make radical change in thoughts and behavior in order to
maintain a close relationships. Instead, they seem to believe that their closeness will be
continuous because of sexual attraction.
2. Inability to handle disappointment, hurt, and suffering.
3. Unawareness of the effects of the various stages of the family cycle.
4. Imbalance of lack of understanding concerning an individual’s striving for identity and
intimacy.
Identity (who I am)
Intimacy (closeness of relationship, total honesty, and trust)
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