BBC premarital counseling booklet-1 - Flipbook - Page 6
Many individuals have emotional difficulties that remain undetected by others. Some of
these people are drawn together into marriage because the personality of one is abundantly
full of a trait lacking in the other. Thus, they marry and are satisfied by
fulfilling each other’s neurotic needs. They unrealistically expect these needs to remain
the same forever. Some want to control and dominate; others want to be controlled and
dominated. Many life events can be planned far in advance, like having a baby. Many
bring security and satisfaction. Some events, however, come as a surprise and bring
tension, pain, and unexpected circumstances. Loss of a job, illness, birth of a child with a
defect, and sudden death in the family are crisis for which one cannot plan. According to
family service experts -- any sudden change becomes a threat to whatever marital balance
has been achieved.
Even minor changes may become a crisis:
1. A spouse no longer wants to go to the other’s favorite restaurant for dinner.
2. A spouse wants to change a family tradition that includes the other’s parents.
3. A spouse announces that a new business opportunity has been opened in another state
and wants to move.
4. A spouse gets rid of a favorite piece of furniture.
When unexpected circumstances occur, many couples are able to adapt to the new,
and put aside the old. Others cannot cope with the circumstances.
C.
TWELVE MOST COMMON COMPLAINTS
1. Lack of communication
2. Constant arguments
3. Unfulfilled emotional needs
4. Sexual dissatisfaction
5. Financial disagreements
6. In-law trouble
7. Infidelity
8. Conflicts about children
9. Domineering spouse
10. Suspicious spouse
11. Alcoholism
12. Physical attack
D.
MARRIAGES MAY BE MADE IN HEAVEN
As the popular saying goes, but their maintenance occurs in the earthly setting.
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