BBC premarital counseling booklet-1 - Flipbook - Page 4
Topic #1
MARRIAGE
A.
WHAT HAPPENS TO MARRIAGE?
1.
They have been built upon a weak foundation of dreams. In dreams the mind does
not have to distinguish between reality and fantasy, one is able to create without restraint.
Marriages built on dreams are risky because dreams do not consider the disappointments
that are inevitable in every marriage. When the rains of reality and the winds of stress
burst against such marriages, the relationship that holds them together crumbles. Much
more is involved in fulfilling dreams than merely expecting them to come true.
B.
EXPECTATIONS ARE NOT FULFILLED
There are two basic causes for trouble in marriage. (1) Not finding in marriage what one
expected to find, and (2) Not expecting what one actually finds. As most couples marry,
they expect three things in their marriages.
1. Stability means resistance to change, or freedom from change.
2. Security is freedom from want.
3. Predictability means to avoid surprises, or have the ability to forecast the future.
There are periods of time in the lives of most couples in which one or even all three of
these expectations are not fulfilled.
One reason for unfulfilled expectations is that they may have been unrealistic from the
beginning. Some common unrealistic expectations are:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
My wife will always want to be a homemaker.
My husband will take care of the yard and keep the car running just like my father did.
I will decide where to take our vacations.
We will spend our vacation with our parents.
My husband/wife will always want to have sex when I am in the mood for it.
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