09-25-2024 Primetime - Flipbook - Page 10
10 A Special Advertising Section of Baltimore Sun Media Group | Wednesday, September 25, 2024
RETIREMENT
The Talks: end of
life discussions
What to ask your loved ones
about their final wishes
By Margit B. Weisgal, Contributing Writer
D
o you know what your parents want at the end of their lives? Have your
parents talked with you or you with your parents? If not, it’s probably long
overdue.
Jerilynn is now in her 70s, but every
time she tries to speak with her daughters about the end of her life, they hold
their hands over their ears and run from
her as far as possible. This has been
going on for years, and she can’t seem
to get the discussion started. She wants
them to know what arrangements have
been made.
Danny has a good grasp of what his
father wants when he dies: a simple casket and a red flannel shirt. In other words,
nothing fancy. But his sister insists they
should do something posh. It’s been a
bone of contention for years, and no
one is getting any younger. But their dad
hasn’t really weighed in, saying yes or
no to the two options or clarifying his
preferences.
Martha was in her teens when her
father had two heart attacks: one when
he was 42, the second at age 49, and
that one was serious. As the oldest child,
she realized she needed to know what to
do if either of her parents died.
Bonnie’s significant other died and
she was heartbroken. Her friends tried
to console her, tried to remind her she
needed to take care of herself and to
write a will. Then, suddenly, she was
taken ill, ended up in the hospital, and
passed away, all in the space of a
week. Nothing had been decided and
everything she owned went to the state:
house, retirement account, savings, etc.
And no one knew what to do with her
body.
Different scenarios like these occur
constantly, often with no resolutions. As
much as we hate to discuss it, we will
all die eventually. Having someone who
knows what you want is very important,
especially if you are incapable of voicing
your wishes when that time comes.
Who needs to write things down for
the future? Every single person. Think
about it. What do you have at the age
of 30 that warrants a will? A savings
account? An investment account? A
house? A retirement account? A spouse?
Children?
And if you’re over 30, the list just gets
longer and longer. So, let’s get started
because there is a whole lot to talk about.
The National Institute on Aging, part
of the National Institutes of Health has
guidelines on what you need to discuss
and with whom. More importantly, it
explains why you need to do this:
No one ever plans to be sick or
disabled. Yet, planning for the
future can make all the difference in an emergency and at the
end-of-life. Being prepared and
having important documents
in a single place can give you
peace of mind, help ensure your
wishes are honored and ease the
burden on your loved ones.
For anyone who has had an unexpected death of a friend or relative, this
is a no-brainer. However, before you
start to create all the documents you will
need, you have to decide on the person
or people who will carry out your wishes.
By the way, whatever you decide today,
you are allowed to change your mind.
And now we’re back to having the talks.
We’ll come back to this.
There is no particular order as to
which documents you should create first
because you need them all. The easiest
way to do this is pick one, get it done,
and go on to the next. If you work with
an attorney, he or she will help you come
up with answers.
Imagine This
You’re in an accident and unconscious or in a coma. Who is in charge?
Who do you trust to make a medical decision for you? In the State of
Maryland, the attorney general’s website has legal forms you can complete.
And, according to the NIA, so do most
states. There are also videos that explain
the options.
Basic documents
Many of these only take effect if you
are incapable of acting on your own
behalf:
• Your Estate: A will or a revocable
living trust.
• Your Future Health Care: A health
care durable power of attorney or
an advanced healthcare directive
and a living will.
• Your Money: A financial durable
power of attorney.
• A place and/or person where all
these documents reside so they can
be accessed.
It then recommends that you, “Begin
by talking things over, if you want, with
family members, close friends, your doctor or a religious advisor.” Since you have
to choose someone to be in charge, consider all these options as your potential
proxy or, in legal terms, your personal
representative. You can also have more
than one person. Not everyone has an
adult child who can take over.
End of life,
continued on page 18
