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ARRvol34 master reduced - Flipbook - Page 24

that any attempt to drag it along the ground will result in a broken
stool and ass meeting pavement.
Nowhere else in Saigon is it more important to observe the rules
of sitting than at the Rum Bar, where five US dollars will get you
two cokes, a block of ice, a bowl of peanuts, and a repurposed wine
bottle filled with the tastiest moon shine north of the Mekong Delta.
The Rum Bar is not the actual name of the Rum Bar, and what they
serve isn’t technically rum. The Rum Bar serves grain alcohol sweetened with molasses and sugar, enough sweetness to convince any
non-sober person to think they can drink it straight from the bottle.
I fell prey to such a delusion on several occasions. After all, why
should I pay 3 bucks for soda when the rum is sweet enough to
drink straight? Because it’s not rum, because falling off your third
stool in under an hour is embarrassing, and because black out you
thinks riding a motorcycle home is a good idea.
I moved to Vietnam mostly due to a terrible habit I have of romanticizing places I am not currently inhabiting and partly because
my prospects of finding a post-grad job in America were next to
zero. With 5 grand saved up and having googled Best ways to make
a living abroad, I flew halfway around the world to start my new
life. I was to become an English teacher. I found a TESLA certificate
program, paid my 500 dollars, and after a month of rigorous coursework, I was a teacher. I figured, with a few more weeks of practice,
I’d be the next Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society. That thought
would vanish within a few days.
The unfortunate thing about being a teacher is, that in order to be
good at it, you have to actually want to be a teacher. There are plenty of professions you can excel at without being passionate about
and teaching isn’t one of them.
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