American River Review 2019 - Flipbook - Page 67
“I think so.”
“No, Mom.”
“You think so? Mom, she would have left an hour ago.”
“What about Railey? Does Railey like Fig Newtons?”
“Oh yes, she watched the debate with me for a minute
when she got home yesterday.”
“No, Mom, I’m asking about this morning. Did you see
her this morning?”
Without warning, her mom became defensive.
“Don’t raise your voice at me! Just because I’m old
doesn’t mean you get to treat me without any respect! I
watch your daughter while you’re off working until late
in the evening. I clean the house and help pay for your
bills! You watch your tone, Carol.”
“Mom, I’m only asking if you saw Railey before she
left for school.”
“Oh.”
Carol sighed. Conversations before her mother’s instant
coffee usually went nowhere, even before her brain started deteriorating. “It’s okay. I’ll call the school and make
sure she got there okay.”
“Oh, Railey! We’re talking about Railey?”
“Yes, Mom, we’re talking about Railey.”
“Oh, yes, I saw her this morning. She made me some
coffee.”
“You’ve already had coffee this morning?”
“Yes. Nice Railey made me some.”
Carol hesitated, not knowing whether her mom was
lucid, but decided to brush it aside as she remembered the
time. “Okay. Then I’m going to get to work. Remember
to let me know before having anyone over to the house
please.”
“No.”
“Okay, well I like Fig Newtons. Let’s see, do we need
more ice cream?”
“I don’t know, Mom, but I have to go.”
“Okay, what about Rocky Road ice cream? Do you like
Rocky Road?”
Carol left without answering, and sat in her car for a
moment. No sound could be louder than her thoughts,
and in the silence they were deafening. As she became
paralyzed by memories, she started to cry, and dissociated
from her emotions, too painful to conquer. As Carol tried
to be strong for her daughter, she found herself yearning
for her own mother to hold her the way she had held Railey. Tears fell harder at the realization that her mother had
become someone else, and she would no longer receive
solace in between her mother’s arms.
Carol breathed deeply. Time was forcing her along. As
she began to fix her tear stains in the rearview mirror, she
reminded herself that everyone was safe, and they could
make it through this. Damien would be gone by the time
her daughter got home from school, and her ex husband
was across an ocean, unaware of their location. Time
would heal the pain, and someday she would be able to
give her daughter more. Someday she would see Railey’s
smile as frequently as the years that had passed.
Carol pulled out of the driveway, and turned on the
radio. In that moment, before hearing the news that her
daughter had not arrived at school or watching as helicopters search the cliffside shore, Carol had hope for their
future.
“Oh! That reminds me! Before you go, can you look
through some of these coupons and let me know what
groceries you need?”
Carol stared blankly at her mother, who hadn’t been
able to drive for over a decade. As Carol flipped through
the coupons, she noticed they were all from the 80s.
“Mom, how are you going to buy groceries? You can’t
drive.” Carol’s voice sounded weak and small, powerless
against her aging mother.
“Yes, but Damien is picking me up for lunch today, so I
thought he might take me to the grocery store before they
expire.”
Carol glanced at the clock; she didn’t have time for a
debate with her mother.
“Do you like Fig Newtons?”
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